62 Thoughts Everyone Has On A Cruise

File this under "so relatable."

• Pay to park? Why isn't this included in the cruise price? That's not even fair.
• And this is why I sneak booze in...to save money that I have to spend for parking.
• This Listerine bottle better work. I spent 4 hours mixing the perfect color for it last night. If only they taught that in chemistry class.
• Yes, I really do need all that mouthwash, I have halitosis okay?
• Mission accomplished. I AM A NINJA. A VODKA NINJA.
• There are way too many people here. Are they all going to fit on the ship?
• How does this ship even float with all those people on it?
• Welcome aboard! Vacation starts now!
• Can I go to the bow of the ship like Leo in Titanic?
• And will Leo be there? Because it'll only be worth it if he is.

• Do those 80's style wrist band things really prevent seasickness?
• Am I queasy? I'm definitely queasy.
• Just waiting on my sea legs to come in. I sound like such a sailor when I say that.
• Or maybe a pirate.
• I should probably talk like a pirate during the entire cruise.
• Ahoy matey! I wonder how many free ice cream cones I can eat today?
• Six. The answer is six. Definitely not wearing a bikini tomorrow.
• Maybe I can exercise or something.
• 47 laps around the deck = one mile? Nope.
• If I'm eating dinner with the captain, who's driving the ship?
• I'm totally going to get up early tomorrow to snag a chair by the pool.
• How did I already miss breakfast? Pizza it is!
• Of course there are no more pool chairs left. Did everyone wake up at sunrise or did they just stake out their spot late last night?
• Oooh, I should play shuffle board.
• How does one actually play shuffle board?
• Why is the waterslide for kids only?
• I'm basically a kid, right? I'll just hunch over so they don't see how tall I am.
• Worst. Wedgie. Ever.

• Drink of the day for $14? What do you think I am, a billionaire?
• Ugh, but the vodka is in my room and this comes in a SOUVENIR GLASS. That's basically like a free gift.
• I deserve this. And it's so hot out.
• Holy cow, that is delicious! Another!
• What if I get really drunk and fall overboard?
• Do those round lifesaver things really work?
• I wonder if they sell Lifesavers in the duty-free gift shop.
• And why don't they make a roll of all red Lifesavers. Because those clearly are the best flavor.

• What the heck is that towel animal supposed to be, a bear?
• A dog. Definitely a dog.
• Better take a picture for Facebook so I can post it next week when I get Wifi again.
• Only four hours at this port. Better make it count.
• Forget the excursions, I want to immerse myself in the local culture.
• Should I get hair braids? I can totally rock hair braids. I'm basically an islander already. Yeah mon!
• I look ridiculous.
• What if I miss the boat?
• I'm pretty sure it leaves at 3:00. Or was it 2:00?
• I better start running.
• I'm going to have to live on this island by myself and start a new life and live off seaweed and crabs and lasso them with my hair braids.
• And there's the port. Guess I wasn't that far.

• I wish I had my sunglasses.
• Oh right. The elephant in my room is still wearing them.
• Early bedtime tonight. I'm getting the first chair. And the first ice cream cone.
• I'll just take the stairs to burn off the calories.
• No way. I'm on vacation. The elevator was made for vacations.
• I can't believe the week is over already! Why do I have to leave my bag in the hallway tonight?
• What if someone takes all my dirty clothes? I mean, that would be weird.
• I'm not ready to leave.
• I literally can't walk on land. I have no land legs.
• Don't mind me, just walking with swag.
• I actually gained 5 pounds from this cruise, and now I'm wobbling it everywhere when I walk.
• Eh, the extra weight is probably just from the beads in my hair braids.
• Looks like all my dirty clothes arrived safely!
• I can't wait to go on another cruise.